Question 4 Looking back over my life, what ongoing effect might this event and the person who hurt me have had on my life?
She tried to focus on her day, and what she had to do, but it became impossible, so she took Sadie and headed off on a walk. It was bright and sunny day. It was chilly, and fallen leaves crunched under her feet. She watched in awe as hundreds of geese flew overhead in unison, honking, and heading to a warmer climate. She couldn't envy them anymore, because in a few days she was going south too. She wondered why that worried her so much.
Simone wrote:
Simone remembered how after the episode with the 1959 Mercury, Noel had started hanging out with her brother Dave. Simone had thought it very strange, and wondered why Noel would befriend someone who had treated them that way. She did not understand it at all. Noel started coming to the house with her brother, and Simone was extremely annoyed. She spent most of her time in her room, avoiding them.
During that time, she read books, wrote stories, and drew pictures. In her diary, she wrote about a growing crush she had on a boy at school named Sam. In her room, and at School was the only place Simone could be without Noel or her brother invading her privacy, and she was glad that Noel had quit going to her school, and started trade school.
Sam was in most of her classes, and always walked with her and carried her books. Sam was shorter than Noel, he was tanned from working on his dad's farm all summer, and very strong and muscular looking, he had brown hair with blonde streaks, and a soft and kind face. His eyes lit up when he saw her. Simone knew he was shy. Sam wanted to know everything about her. Simone was very guarded, and thought that if he found out about her real life, he would not like her. Soon, she opened up, and began weaving lies, and telling tales about a life she could only imagine.
He asked her to date him, but she made up a story about having a strict father who did not allow her to date, (she did not even have a father who cared) but really, she was afraid her brother and Noel would find out about Sam and spoil everything. So, she kept their relationship a secret, and at school only, and dreamed about him at night, and wrote about him everyday in her diary. Most of the things she wrote about were made up, they were fantasies. Like the True Story magazines, she had become addicted to. She loved the romantic short stories, and thought one day she could write for a magazine.
Then one day, her diary and all her notebooks with her stories in them were gone, missing from the spot under her mattress where she kept them. Simone was furious. She suspected it was either her brother Dave or Noel. Simone felt her privacy was being violated. She began to feel exposed, for she had written things in her diary and notebooks, that were very personal and private, and not exactly true. Her heart pounded.
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Simone's heart was pounding as she walked Sadie too just thinking about this. She was angry now, thinking of what happened next, but she dismissed this thinking and tried to get on with her day. This was all so long ago, and Simone did not want to go back to think about that time in her life. Hadn't she already dealt with these emotions. Why was she feeling as if it was happening all over again? The wierd thing was, Simone had never really thought these things had affected her, but she realized after that she stopped writing and dreaming about being a famous writer. In fact, during that time Simone now realized that she had given up on herself and life, without actually saying so.
Question 5 Is there any part of what happened then that I need to take some responsibility for?_______________________________________________________________________________
Simone's phone rang. It was her son William from California, he was in town visiting his girlfriend. She knew he was calling her to go have lunch with him, but Simone was in an emotional state. She called him back and explained she was working, and couldn't get away today. Simone was lying. Simone was having a hard time controlling the emotions she was feeling and after she hung up the phone she burst into tears. "Oh God" she sobbed. "Help me get through this". Simone realized she had lied to her son. She hated lies, she hated lying, and she was doing it. Simone was disgusted with herself.
Question 6 Have I ever turned this memory/pain over to God?
Simone supposed she just did.
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