Simone can feel something within her about to erupt. She feels she must write about the past, and the present, to allow her future to unfold into the "Beautiful Butterfly" it is to become. Life and Blessings have been waiting inside her chrysalis of gold. Simone knows she will have to 'struggle' to free herself from it.
Thinking about her old diary and journals, about Noel, and her brother Dave with adult eyes, has allowed a certain amount of healing and forgiveness. Simone realizes that her brother was the way he was, because of his own past of being bullied by their older brother James, and because of the abuse he too suffered at the hands of their father.
Simone remembered a time when she found Dave hiding under his bed, shaking with fear, and begging her not to tell their drunken father where he was. Simone thought about Noel. He was no match for her drunken brother and his friends, just as her brother, was no match for their raging drunken father, who had broken a wine bottle at dinner, and brandished it as a weapon and threatened Dave. He too had ran.
Simone thought about her diary and journal, and the things she had written there. No wonder Noel had wanted her to burn them. Simone thought about how wild her imagination was then, and how reading about those imaginary events may have affected Noel. She thought about their age, their inexperience with dealing with emotions, and Noel's strange and possesive love for her. Simone felt like a posession, and she wonders how much, and if any of his emotions involved real love.
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At School Simone continued her relationship with Sam. She knew it was wrong, but she could not tell him the truth. Her feelings had grown strong for Sam, and she wanted to spend time with him, more than she wanted to spend time with Noel. Simone knew she had to choose, but she was afraid of what would happen. How would Noel react? She imagined his anger, and that he would join forces with her brother, and beat up Sam. Simone did not want Sam harmed.
A few days later, at lunch time, Noel was waiting beside Simone's locker. Simone was shocked to see him, and was expecting Sam to meet her there in just a few moments. "I didn't have to work today" Noel said with big grin on his face. "and my boss let me take the van home to clean it up, wanna' go for a ride?"
Noel did not wait for her reply, and he grabbed her hand. Simone pulled away. "What's wrong?" Noel said suspiciously as he grabbed her hand again. "Nothing, I just can't go right now" Simone was feeling annoyed. Noel moved closer to her and put his big arm around her shoulders, and drew her close to him. Simone felt like she couldn't breathe, she felt like a trapped animal. "Is it because of that Sam guy?" he asked. "No" Simone lied. All she could think about was escaping, and getting Noel out of her space.
This time, Simone grabbed Noel's hand, and she was leading him out of the school and away from where she was to meet Sam. As they rounded the corner, they ran right into him. Sam looked shocked, hurt, and everything seemed to go into slow motion. Noel was looking at him and back at her, and Sam was looking at their grasped hands and directly into her eyes. She felt like he was looking for an explanation, where there was none.
Sam turned his back and began walking quickly in the opposite direction. Simone watched as he turned the corner.
Sam never spoke to Simone again. Simone was heart broken, but knew, it was her own fault. Simone missed Sam, for a very long time.
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