Coming Clean - The House Cleaning Choice

Simone is finally excited about attending church, and each week she feels God is speaking to her through the sermons.  This week, they had a special guest speaker and the topic was Life's Healing Choice # 4 which is Coming Clean - The House Cleaning Choice

Physically, Simone would say she really needs this, as her surroundings have become cluttered, like the thoughts have been cluttering up in her head.  However the sermon was more about coming clean about the deep dark secrets in your life, the things that have hurt you deeply that you keep locked up inside you. 

Lately Simone has been thinking about why she is so opposed to drinking alcohol, and why she detests being around men who drink excessively, and why she is so fearful of men in general.  She is sure it stems from her drunk and abusive father.  But there was more...

At the end of the sermon, the speaker handed out a sheet of paper to everyone, and on it they were to carve out 20 minutes to be alone, free of distraction.  Then honestly and as specifically as possible answer the questions presented.

1.  During your teen years, a specific event/interaction/discussion where you were significantly hurt by another person/s: 

 Simone wrote this:

Simone's ex husband Noel, was Simone's very first boyfriend.  They dated through her Jr.High  and High School years, and spent a lot of time together planning their future.  In looking back now, Simone would probably say they were actually planning his future, which she supposed may have included her, however, she never really saw herself being married to him, or having his children.  Simone was not in love with Noel, in fact, she had no idea what that even meant, after all, she was only fifteen years old.  Noel confessed his love to her all the time, but, Simone remained aloof, and when he asked if she loved him, she would tell him no.   She mostly thought of Noel as a best friend, or perhaps even a big brother. 

He never pushed her to sleep with him, but she did enjoy being close to him, kissing him, and being caressed.  She enjoyed holding his hand, and listening to all his grandiose plans.  She also thought he was very handsome.  She loved his muscular build, the way he smelled, and the way she felt safe when they were together.  Noel often bought her gifts, but most of the time they were things Simone did not want, especially clothes.  Even Simones mother did not think it right that Noel buy her clothing. 

Feeling safe with him ended rather quickly, on a warm August summer night, when Simone and Noel, were necking  in the back seat of her brother Dave's old 1959 Mercury convertible.  It was parked in the back yard because it was not running and her brother did not have the money to fix it.  The top was down, it was dark, and neither of them were suspecting that  her brother Dave and a couple of his friends were sneaking up on them. 

Simone's brother was four years older than her, and had a reputation for having a temper, being a bit of a bully and a tough guy.  Dave and his buddies loved to fight and Simone had seen his face swollen and bloody, and once had watched him having to drink his food from a straw because he had a broken jaw.  Dave was over six feet tall, muscular, angry because his girlfriend had just dumped him, and on that particular night, he and his friends had been drinking.

They dragged the two of them from the car like they were a couple of rag dolls, and Dave started calling Simone terrible names, and pushing Noel around and demanding he explain what they were doing in his car.   Noel said nothing, he just stood there, dumbfounded, as did her brother's two friends.    Simone grew angry at the assault, and thinking Noel would surely come to his senses and defend her, she began  using a few choice words of her own.

Dave slapped her across the face and sent her reeling.  She got up quickly and flung herself at him scratching and biting and flailing her arms,   He slapped her again, and then kicked her.  Noel did nothing.  Simone looked at Noel  in disbelief, and she saw his twisted expression and the fear on his face.  Fear began to overwhelm her too. 

Then Noel ran.  Her brother and his friends chased him a short way, then began to laugh at him and taunt him, they were calling him a coward among other things.   Simone began limping  toward the house, her lip and nose bleeding and her shins bruised.  Her brother shouted after her, still calling her names.  Simone kept walking not really caring what he was saying.  She was used to physical abuse and name calling. 

Question (2)  The person you came to resent or fear as a result of this experience was?

Simone wrote:

She loathed  all of them, especially Noel.  It was  months before Simone would talk to Noel again.

The next day, her brother, told her he was sorry, and explained that he was drunk, and upset about his girlfriend.  He said "I was trying to protect you."  Simone said "ok", even though it wasn't ok at all, "what kind of protection was that?" she murmured to herself, and then she asked him to keep Noel away from her. 

Simone refused to take Noel's calls.  She avoided her brother, and hardly spoke to him either.

Dave threatened Noel when he showed up at her door, and followed Noel around, for a few days, reminding him Simone was off limits.   Noel finally got the message.  Simone always resented him for not at least trying to stand up to her brother.  She hated her brother, but she had hated him for as long as she could remember. He had bullied her all of her life. 

Question 3.  At that time, how did their actions, words or behaviours, affect and hurt you. 

Simone wrote:

Simone was angry,  she felt unworthy, bullied, she felt she had done something terribly wrong, and succumbed to thinking she was the things her brother had called her.  But mostly she never felt safe, and deep inside her there was a hatred growing towards men.  She would never forgive either of them.  Unforgiveness and bitterness had also taken root.

Question 4.  Looking back over my life, what ongoing effect might this event and the person who hurt me have had on my life?

Simone was shocked at the emotions that arose in her after she wrote about this event.  It was not even one of the worst things that happened to her during her teens.

To be continued