Seeing Life From God's View? Taking a Big Risk!!!?

We don't see things as they are,

we see them as we are.

Anais Nin

What is your life?

James 4:14b (NIV)

                                  

Day Five

I am on day five now of the "Purpose Driven Life", and I know, I started this journey more than 5 days ago, but some days are just harder to get through than others.  The last few days have been very difficult, but I did take a risk.  It might be that I have bit off more than I can chew, but hey, if I am going to TRUST a little, I might just as well TRUST a lot.  I did get my blood pumping too.

Yesterday morning, after writing my blog, I asked myself the question.  "What one thing do you feel you should do, that you have not done because of fear?"  Well, for me, that answer was easy.  I need a new vehicle, but I have been too afraid to even go look.  So, on my way to work, I stopped in at the Used Ford Dealership.  I got out of my car and started looking at vehicles on the lot, knowing full well, within moments a salesman would spot me and I would be talked into buying something I didn't want.  I prayed that God would lead me, I prayed hard, because car salesmen scare the crap out of me, and all of my life Salespeople have "seen me coming".  I have been taken before, many times...no wonder I have friggin' TRUST ISSUES!

Anyway, the guy who greeted me was a nice young man, who did not seem pushy at all.  I felt a bit more comfortable, and decided I liked one of the vehicles on the lot, and it seemed as if it were in my price range.  I asked if I could take it for a spin, and he handed me the keys and off I went by myself.  I drove to my daughters house, and she sped around with me for awhile.  She liked the vehicle too, and thought it was a really good deal.  So, back I went to the dealership and sat down with this young man.  He showed me information on it, told me how much the payments might be, and then asked me if I was interested in buying it. 

Well, I know for sure, between me and my daughter, we have no clue about the value of cars, so I decided I would tell a white lie, and I told the nice young man that I had left my ID in my car, and I needed to go get it.  When I got to my car, I  called  my friend, whose husband, is a real wheeler dealer, and I also called my son.  When I told my wheeler dealer friends husband what the mileage was and all the particulars, he advised me not to buy the car, and my son, showed up at the dealership within minutes, like a knight in shining armor coming to my rescue. 

He, whisked me off to another dealership, and showed me something better, for less money.  Oh I tell you, by this time my pulse was racing, and I had the biggest headache.  However, none of this gave me ENERGY, it just made me want to run home and take a nap.  Yes, I wanted to RUN, RUN, RUN!!! I had totally lost interest in buying anything, and my head was spinning, and I actually felt like I was going to be sick.  In the middle of everything, I said "STOP!  I need to sleep on this".  Things were happening way too fast.  My son looked at me like I had lost my mind, because he thought this was the "deal of a lifetime".   My son told this new car salesman, that I would be back in the morning.  God knows, I have to work in the morning!

I didn't sleep last night.   Not a wink.

This morning, the only ENERGY I had was agitation!  Fear was stuck in my throat, and I was beating myself up like crazy with my thoughts.  I was a mess, and quite frankly I was shocked at what was happening to me over buying a stupid car.  What I wonder was causing all this emotion?

So, I started reading Chapter Five of my book...and it started off like this...

The way you see your life shapes your life.  How you define life determines your destiny.  Now I asked myself the question:   How do you see your life?  The only thing I could think of was FEARFUL!!!!  Yes, this morning it was as plain as the nose on my face.  I am afraid to live.  I am afraid of life.  Life is really frightening to me.  This I am 'afraid' is my LIFE METAPHOR, however, my life has not always been like this.  When I was younger, I was afraid of nothing.  I can honestly say, I don't like the realization that fear is shaping my life, and today, I, with the help of God am determined to change this.

The book went on to say that 'life is a test and a trust', and something within me became acutely aware that what I was going through was a TEST, and I needed to TRUST, just a little.  So, to make a long story short, I did go back to the dealership today, but not after calling my 'wheeler dealer' friend and praying to God for direction.  "Yes" said my wheeler dealer "That's a good deal", and after praying I got some peace.  Now, I am just waiting to hear back from the bank.  I may not get approved for the credit, but strange as it may seem, I don't really care.  I think pushing past the fear was the test for today.  I think I passed.

Oh My God!  This all happened so darned fast!  My pulse is pumping and I have found some ENERGY!  I am actually a bit excited.  It has been a long time since I felt excited about anything. 

Point to Ponder: 
Life is a test and a trust.
Verse to Remember: 
"Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones"  Luke 16:10a
Question to Consider: 
What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? 

hmmmmm...