Choices and "What if?"

Since the weekend at the Lake, Simone has felt chilled to the bone.  Her back and head has been aching, and she just can not  get warm.  This morning her chest was congested and it was extremely hard to breathe, and all she wanted to do was sleep but she had to get up and move around.  She had work to do, and it seemed to her, it was even more painful to lie in bed. 

As she sipped her morning coffee, she turned on the little space heater, near where she was sitting in front of her computer.  The heat from her cup and the heat from the heater eased her pain.  She began reading emails, and blogs, and started a new post of her own.

Nothing much had happened in recent days.  The guy at the lake had not called either, so her fear had subsided.  There was snow on the ground outside, although the roads were not slippery.  On Monday, she had made an appointment to get new tires on her car,  that was top priority, since she had noticed how little tread was left on them.  She had feared getting a blowout for weeks now, it was a constant thought in her mind whenever she was driving, and the thought of the coming ice, struck her with fear.  Bald tires and ice, did not mix well.

Work was slow, and with her job, Simone did not get paid unless she was actually working, and so another thing that was heavy on her mind was finding a job with more security and benefits.  "What if she got sick" she pondered , mostly because she was not feeling well, "how would she pay her bills, her rent?"

Simone had no other income.  "How would she live?"  Her health was very important to her, and so far it had held up.  Simone rarely got sick, but she was getting older, and she really needed to think about her future.  This morning, "what ifs" were filling her mind, but she knew that getting depressed about it was not going to change anything.

"God had always provided" she thought, and he had, but lately her faith has not been  strong, she has doubts, and fears, and a sense of impending doom.  She hoped God was still with her, somewhere deep inside she believed he would never leave her or forsake her, but Simone was not simple enough to believe that she didn't have to do something.  She had to do something to change her situation, but she was not quite sure what to do.

The other day, her 'daughter in law' had invited her to come to California for Thanksgiving, and she even offered to pay for part of her air fare.  This too had been heavy on her mind.  She really wanted to see her grandchildren, and get out of the cold, but she was afraid she could not afford to lose a couple of weeks of work, even if it was slow, and she was not really getting in many hours, because that would put her behind in her bills, and she had to put those tires on her car, they couldn't wait.

Simone knew decision time was coming, and that she had to choose.  Choices were hard for her, but the thought of a few weeks of sunshine and her grandchildren , were making her choice slant West.  Love was winning out over responsibility.  But, inside her the struggle continued.  "What if" she thought.