I Will Have My Answer in 40 Days

What on Earth am I here for?

     I am a self centered person, but I also think that most people are pretty darned Narcissistic.  The problem is, I sincerely want to change.  Thinking about me all the time has not made me very happy, and if I remember correctly, I was not always this way. 

Just a few short years ago, I didn't think about myself every single moment of the day, but lately I do, and, in the grand scope of things in this world, my life is really not so bad.  However,  the problem is, my grand scope of things usually consists of my family and friends, and it seems by comparison to them, I have no life at all.  I need a change desperately.

I am older , so you would think I would have all of this figured out by now, and be so much further along physically, emotionally , spiritually, and  above all, FINANCIALLY! 

Sometimes, I think I am damaged goods, damaged by living, loving, and trying to be good in this evil world that I believe we live in. 

I have been hurt deeply many times, and because I just stuff things, then deny their existence, a lot of my wounds have never healed. 

I don't deal with pain well.  The worst pain for me is emotional pain, and I will do almost anything to avoid it.  I  avoid involvement with others, and usually run for the hills if anyone gets too close.  However, I want to change this too, because I have become more lonely , than I can bear.

I have been praying lately, and the truth is, I used to have a pretty good relationship with God.  I think I must have run from Him too, because we have not been close in a very long time.  It has been a long time since I have prayed. 

I must say, after all this time, it seemed pretty strange.  I got down on my knees, and spoke out loud.  "Oh God, help me,  show me what to do.  I know I have run away from You, my life, my faith, my family.  I was angry and hurt,  and now I am very lost and can not find my way back.  I 've run amuck, and I am stuck in this dark and dreary place, where my thoughts have become bleak.  I want to come home.  Please, please God, show me the way."

Nothing happened right away, but kept asking myself  and God,  "What is the purpose of my life?"  "Why am I here?"  "Why was I born?" 

I have also been trying to meditate, but I can not seem to quiet my unruly mind.  I did not think it has been working, but suddenly, I had this thought , one that I kept trying to dismiss.  "The answer will come in 40 days".  I tried and tried to let go of this but it kept rolling around and around in my brain. 

Later that same day, I was dusting my book shelf and the title of a book caught my eye.  It was " The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren.  I took the book from the shelf, and although, I had started reading this book before, and actually got to day ten, it all seemed new to me.  On the cover it said "What on Earth am I here for?" and inside I read "your next 40 days".  I was stunned.  "Could this be my answer that will come in 40 days?"

It all seemed too simple, but from what I know about God, that is certainly in keeping with His way.